Jul. 16th, 2016

instantkarmma: (*sigh*)
Libby and I were talking about handbags the other day and I was her I needed to pare down what I keep in my purse because I keep *everything* in there: advil, allergy pills, kleenex, pens, paper, a maxi pad (though I haven't had a uterus for 6 years), etc. And she says "keep an emergency bag with all that stuff in the trunk maybe but you don't need to lug it all around. You're not everyone's mom" and I said "that's what it feels like though, it feels like I'm the entire world's mom" because everyone depends on me for freaking everything. I mean, I like to be prepared. I like to be able to help if someone needs tylenol/a breath mint/lotion/etc. but I'm also...kind of tired of taking care of everyone. I feel like in a lot of cases I don't have friends, I have people that need things and know I'll help. And it's not that I normally mind caring but for once in my life I'm recognizing the need to take care of myself and I can't do that properly right now and still be able to take care of the rest of the goddamn world. Right now we have someone staying with us because her boyfriend assaulted her. And we also have her cat. And we don't want to be dicks to her cat but our cats aren't super-welcoming so it spends most of the day in the guest room but then we shut the door to the rest of the house so her cat and run around a bit but of course our cats are pisssssssssed that they don't have the run of their house. And she's been through some sh*t and I'm sympathetic because I've dealt with it before but damnit I can't fix your mental health right not because I have only a tenuous grasp on my own at the moment. And she's going to stay with Alice for a couple weeks Monday because Alice has plenty of room and will also be in Minnesota for a few weeks but I have to spend Tuesday and Wednesday getting the guest room ready AGAIN because we have company coming to stay for a week Thursday. I'm so done. I'm so goddamn done and I feel like I'm being punished for being stable & having my sh*t together. What is it like to be undependable?Teach meeeeee.


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