instantkarmma: (zedd)
[personal profile] instantkarmma

Two different people cut in front of me at the deli today, one old dude very obviously. Like he was trying to gague if I would raise a stink. And normally I would have said "excuse me, I was here before you" but I've had a weird headache for like 10 days and my Lupus has decided it would be an awesome time to flare up so I didn't want to open my mouth because I knew what would come out was "what, you think you can cut me off because you're older than me? Because you're a MAN? WELL I'M A CRIPPLE GODDAMNIT AND I NEED THAT CHICKEN AND FOR YOU NOT TO BE A DICK. FEEL BETTER NOW? FEEL GOOOOOOOD ABOUT CUTTING IN FRONT OF A POOR DISABLED WOMAN???" So I bit my tongue and concentrated on the chocolate pudding in my cart.

My hips and especially my lower back have been killing me to the point that I grimace when I straighten up and resist doing anything requiring bending or...or moving in general really. And my depression is popping back up in really weird ways and it's all getting difficult to handle. Dad gave us the leather furniture from his family room and it's crazy comfortable. They bought it at a yard sale and the guy was very tall so he had it custom made to be deeper to accomodate his legs. And he never used it. It got delivered and he decided to sell his house. James and I have been fighting over it for years but Dad & Kate are getting their house ready to sell (which is seriously weird. They've been there almost 25 years) and James hadn't found a place to move yet so we got them. Muahahahaha. And they are so comfortable it would almost make you weep and it's the only place I'm comfortable sitting and I don't know if it's because I'm flaring and it's a good place to sit or if it's such a good place to sit that my body is like "f*ck everything else, give me the couch and I'll shut up"

Now we're planning on going to England to meet Alice in November so of course I'm worrying about money and planning and all of that crap. But I reserved a taxi tour in Manchester to see all things Smiths related so I'm trying to focus on that. And pudding.

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